The lies I told my mom

Okay, so here goes. I need to get this off my chest, even if it's just to a bunch of strangers on the internet. It's about my mom. She passed away last year, and I miss her like crazy. But there's this guilt eating me up inside.

See, when I was a teenager, I was a mess. I did all the stupid things teenagers do – sneaking out, drinking, lying about where I was. My mom, she was always so worried. She worked her butt off to give me a good life, and I repaid her by constantly causing her stress.

The worst part is, I lied to her face. So many times. About everything. Who I was with, what I was doing, if I'd finished my homework. I'd look her right in the eye and tell her whatever she wanted to hear, just to get her off my back.

Now that she's gone, I keep thinking about all those lies. They weren't huge, earth-shattering lies, but they were constant. A steady stream of deception that eroded her trust in me. And I know, deep down, that she knew I was lying. She just didn't want to believe it.

I wish I could take it back. I wish I could tell her the truth, even just once. I wish I could tell her I’m sorry for being such a terrible kid. I know she loved me, but I can't help feeling like I let her down. Big time. I hope, wherever she is, she knows that I eventually grew up and realized how lucky I was to have her. But the lies… those will probably haunt me forever.