The Borrowed Necklace

Okay, so this is going to sound really stupid. And maybe it is. But it's been eating me up inside for years. I need to get it off my chest.

When I was in college, I had this friend, let's call her Emily. Emily was… well, she was everything I wanted to be. Smart, funny, effortlessly cool, and she had this amazing sense of style. Like, she could throw on a potato sack and make it look high fashion. I, on the other hand, felt like a total frump most of the time.

One night, we were going to a party, a kind of fancy one thrown by some rich kid whose parents were out of town. I was stressing about what to wear. I had this dress, it was okay, but it felt…plain. Emily, of course, looked amazing in this vintage dress she'd found at a thrift store. And she was wearing this necklace. It was delicate, silver, with a tiny little charm. Nothing flashy, but it just pulled the whole outfit together. It looked perfect.

I told her I liked it, and she said, 'Oh, thanks! It's my grandma's. She gave it to me before she died.' I remember thinking how special it must be to her.

Later that night, after a few too many drinks, I found myself alone in Emily's dorm room. She'd gone to get more ice. I was just… looking around. And there it was, the necklace, lying on her desk. And on impulse, I picked it up. I don't know why. I told myself I was just admiring it. But then… the idea popped into my head. Just to borrow it. Just for the night. Just to feel a little bit… like Emily.

I put it in my purse. I went back to the party. And I felt… better. More confident. Like I finally fit in. But all night, I had this awful feeling in my stomach. Like I was doing something really wrong.

The next morning, I woke up with a terrible hangover and a wave of guilt. I knew I had to give the necklace back. But then… I couldn't find it. I tore my room apart. I emptied my purse, my drawers, everything. It was gone. Lost. Stolen, maybe, at the party? I don't know. I never found it.

I was terrified to tell Emily. I made up some stupid story about seeing someone admire it at the party and thinking maybe they'd taken it by accident. She was understanding, but I could tell she was hurt. Especially because it was her grandmother's. I felt like the scum of the earth.

That was like seven years ago. We're not friends anymore. We drifted apart after college. And I've never told her the truth. I still think about that necklace sometimes. I feel so guilty. I was jealous and stupid, and I ruined something precious to her. I don't even know if she still remembers it, but I do. I really, really do. I should probably just buy her a new one. But I don't even know where to start after all this time. How do you apologize for something like that?

I hope someday I can find the courage to tell her the truth. And maybe, just maybe, she'll forgive me. Or at least understand why I did what I did. Even though I barely understand it myself.