The $20 I took from my grandma

Okay, so I need to get this off my chest. It’s been eating at me for like, fifteen years. It's about my grandma, Nana Elsie. She was the best. Always smelled like mothballs and vanilla extract. And she always had Werther's Originals in her purse, even when the purse was practically falling apart.

When I was maybe, I don’t know, ten or eleven, we used to go visit her every Sunday. My parents would make us get dressed up, which I hated. I wanted to wear my Ninja Turtle t-shirt, but no, it was always some itchy dress. Anyway, after lunch, my parents would sit with Nana Elsie in the living room, talking about boring grown-up stuff like taxes and the price of gas. Me and my little brother would usually be banished to her spare bedroom, which was filled with old dolls and weird porcelain cats. Total nightmare fuel, honestly.

One Sunday, I was bored out of my skull. My brother was actually playing with one of those creepy dolls, which was even more disturbing. I wandered back into the living room, pretending I needed a drink of water, but really I was just nosy. I saw Nana Elsie’s purse on the little table next to her armchair. It was one of those old lady purses with the clasp that snaps shut. I knew she always kept cash in there. For emergencies, she said. Or maybe for Werther's Originals, I don’t know.

I went back into the spare bedroom, but I couldn’t stop thinking about that purse. I don't know why. I wasn’t even particularly broke at the time. I think it was just the thrill of it, the idea that I could get away with something. So, I went back into the living room when no one was looking and I reached into her purse. I felt around and grabbed a bill. I didn't even look at it. I just shoved it in my pocket and ran back to the spare bedroom. My heart was pounding.

Later, when we got home, I went to my room and pulled the bill out. It was a twenty. A twenty! At the time, that was like a million dollars to me. I felt… sick. Really sick. I knew I shouldn’t have done it. I knew it was wrong. But I also knew I wasn't going to give it back. I ended up spending it on a video game at the mall with my friends.

Nana Elsie died a few years later. I never told her I took that twenty dollars. I never told anyone. And now she’s gone, and I can’t. I think about it all the time. Especially when I see those Werther's Originals in the store. It was just twenty dollars, but it feels like so much more. It feels like I stole something precious from her, something that I can never replace. God, I miss her.