I'm Sorry, Grandpa

Dear Sacred Posts,

I need to get this off my chest. It's been eating me up inside for years, and I don't know who else to tell. It's about my grandpa, who passed away five years ago.

He was the best. Seriously. He taught me how to fish, how to whittle, how to tell a good joke. He always had time for me, even when my parents were busy. He was patient, kind, and he always smelled like pipe tobacco and sawdust. His workshop was my favorite place in the world.

When I was maybe 12 or 13, I started getting into video games. All I wanted to do was play. I stopped wanting to go to his workshop, stopped wanting to fish. I just wanted to sit in front of the TV. He tried to get me interested in other things, but I just brushed him off. I was a typical selfish teenager.

One day, he asked me to help him with a project. He was building a birdhouse for my grandma. I remember rolling my eyes and saying I was busy. I probably mumbled something about needing to level up or something stupid like that. He just looked at me, kind of sad, and said, 'Okay, maybe another time.'

That was the last time he asked me for help. He finished the birdhouse himself. I never even saw it. I was too wrapped up in my own little world to notice anything else.

He got sick a few years later. Lung cancer. It was fast. He went from being a strong, active man to bedridden in a matter of months. I visited him in the hospital, but I didn't know what to say. I felt so guilty. I knew I had let him down.

He tried to talk to me, but he was so weak. I remember him saying something about wishing we had spent more time together. I just nodded and squeezed his hand. I couldn't look him in the eye.

He died a few weeks later. I went to the funeral, but I felt like a fraud. Everyone was talking about how great he was, and all I could think about was how I had ignored him. How I had chosen video games over him.

I know it sounds stupid, but I still feel terrible about it. It's been years, but the guilt is still there. I wish I could go back and do things differently. I wish I had spent more time with him. I wish I had helped him with that birdhouse. I wish I had told him I loved him more often.

I'm so sorry, Grandpa. I miss you terribly.