I'm so tired of pretending

I hate my life. I really do. Everyone thinks I have it all together, the perfect marriage, the great job, the beautiful house. But it's all a lie. I'm suffocating. I cheated on my husband. Not just once, but a bunch of times. And I feel awful about it, but at the same time, it's like...I needed it. I needed something to feel alive. He's a good man, he really is. Maybe that's the problem. He's just... good. And I'm not. I'm a terrible person. I don't know what to do. I can't tell him. It would destroy him. But living like this is destroying me. I just want to run away and disappear. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to him, and I'm sorry to myself for being such a mess.