I'm so tired of being jealous

Okay, Sacred Posts, here goes. I need to get this off my chest because I'm suffocating. It's about my best friend, Sarah. We've been friends since, like, kindergarten. We've always been close, shared everything. But lately… I’m just so damn jealous of her.

She's always been naturally beautiful, you know? Like, effortlessly gorgeous. Guys have always been drawn to her. And she's smart, too. Gets good grades without even trying. I have to work my butt off to get a B, and she just breezes through everything. I know, I know, it sounds awful. I should be happy for her, right? And a part of me is. I really do love her. But this green monster inside me is taking over.

It started getting really bad when she met Mark. He’s… perfect. Tall, funny, kind, and totally head-over-heels for her. They are disgustingly cute together. I’ve never had anything like that. I've had a few relationships, but nothing serious, nothing that felt… real. And seeing Sarah with Mark just makes me feel so inadequate, so… invisible. Like I’m constantly being compared, and I always come up short.

I try to be happy for her. I smile, I laugh at their jokes, I listen to her gush about him. But inside, I'm screaming. I feel like such a terrible person for feeling this way. She deserves all the happiness in the world. She's a good person. I just… I wish I could be that person too. The one everyone wants. The one who gets everything easily.

I know it's my own insecurities talking. I need to work on myself, on my own self-worth. But it's so hard. It's like a constant battle in my head. I hate feeling like this. I hate being jealous. It's eating me alive. I don't want to lose her friendship because of my own issues.

I don't know what to do. I just needed to tell someone, anyone, how I'm feeling. Maybe just admitting it makes it a little bit easier to bear. Thanks for listening, Sacred Posts. I hope I can figure this out.