I'm so damn jealous

I hate feeling this way. It eats me up inside. My best friend, Sarah, she just got everything I ever wanted. A great job, a loving boyfriend, a perfect apartment. And I'm stuck here, still working the same dead-end job, swiping through dating apps that lead nowhere, and living with my parents. I know, I know, it sounds awful. I should be happy for her. And part of me *is*. But there's this other part, this ugly, green-eyed monster, that just wants to scream.

We've been friends since forever. We always said we'd make it together. But it feels like she's left me behind. I catch myself picking apart her life, finding flaws, anything to make myself feel better. Her boyfriend? He's a little too clingy. Her apartment? Way too small for the price. I hate myself for thinking these things. She doesn't deserve my jealousy. She's worked hard for everything she has.

I don't want to lose our friendship. I'm just so tired of feeling like I'm always playing catch-up. I wish I could just be genuinely happy for her, without all this baggage. I don't know how to fix this. I feel like a terrible person.