I wish I'd listened to my gut

I messed up. Big time. And it's all my fault. I knew it, deep down, but I ignored that little voice in my head, the one that was screaming 'DON'T DO IT!'. I thought I was smarter, that I could handle it, that I knew better. Turns out, I didn't.

It's about a friend. We've been friends since, like, forever. Since kindergarten, practically. Liam. He's always been… there. Solid. Reliable. The kind of friend you can call at 3 AM and he'll actually pick up. He's also always been kind of quiet and shy, especially around girls. He met this woman, Sarah, a couple of years ago. I never liked her. I don’t know why, exactly. Something about her just rubbed me the wrong way. She was always so… perfect. Too perfect. Like she was trying too hard. And she didn't seem to really *see* Liam. She seemed more interested in the *idea* of him, the fact that he was a nice guy who would treat her well.

Anyway, they got engaged. Everyone was so happy for them. Except me. I tried to be supportive, I really did. I went to the engagement party, smiled for the pictures, helped plan the bachelor party. But inside, I was churning. I just knew it was a mistake. I could see it in Liam's eyes, a flicker of doubt that he tried to hide with forced smiles. But I didn't say anything. I told myself I was being ridiculous, that I was just jealous, or that I was afraid of losing him as a friend. All the selfish reasons.

Then, a month before the wedding, Liam came to me. He was a mess. He said he wasn't sure he could go through with it. He admitted he had doubts, that he wasn't sure if Sarah was really the one. This was my chance. My chance to finally say what I'd been feeling all along. But I chickened out. I told him he was just nervous, that all grooms feel that way before the wedding. I told him to give Sarah another chance, to talk to her, to work things out. I basically pushed him right back into it.

They got married. It lasted six months. Six miserable months. Now they're divorced, and Liam is even more broken than before. He says he should have listened to his gut. I feel so guilty. I should have been honest with him. I should have told him what I really thought, even if it meant risking our friendship. Now, he barely talks to me. And I don't blame him. I failed him as a friend. I put my own selfish fears above his happiness. And I'll never forgive myself for it. I just hope one day he can forgive me, because I don’t think I can.