I Wish I Hadn't Listened to Her

I messed up. Bad. And the worst part is, I knew I was messing up as it was happening. I could feel it in my gut, that cold, twisting feeling that tells you you're about to do something you'll regret. But I did it anyway.

My best friend, Lisa, she's… well, she's always been a bit jealous of Sarah, my girlfriend. Sarah's just… brighter, I guess. Funnier, maybe. She just has this way about her that makes people like her. Lisa, she tries, but it doesn't always come across the right way. Sometimes she's just… mean, you know? But she's my best friend, so I always try to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Anyway, Sarah and I were having a rough patch. Nothing major, just… life stuff. Work was stressful for both of us, we were both tired, and we weren't communicating as well as we usually do. So, I was venting to Lisa about it. And she started in on Sarah. Little things at first, like, 'Oh, she always gets what she wants, doesn't she?' and 'She's probably just manipulating you.' I should have shut it down right there. I knew it wasn't true. Sarah is the least manipulative person I know. But I was vulnerable, and Lisa was… pouring salt on the wound, I guess.

Then she started suggesting things. Little tests I could do to 'see if Sarah really cared.' Dumb stuff, like ignoring her calls for a day or pretending I was interested in someone else when we were out. I actually did some of it. Not all of it, thank God, but some. And it hurt Sarah. I could see it in her eyes. She got quiet and withdrawn. She started pulling away.

Then, one night, Lisa convinced me that Sarah was probably cheating on me. She had 'seen' Sarah talking to some guy at a bar. I know, it sounds ridiculous now, but at the time, I was a mess. I confronted Sarah. I accused her of things I shouldn't have. I said awful, hurtful things. And she denied it, of course. She was crying, telling me how much she loved me, but I didn't believe her. I broke up with her.

The next day, Lisa confessed. She made the whole thing up. The guy at the bar? Some random dude she'd paid to talk to Sarah for five minutes. The whole cheating thing? A lie. She said she did it because she 'didn't want to see me get hurt.' But I know the truth. She was jealous. She wanted Sarah out of the picture.

I tried to apologize to Sarah. I tried to explain. But the damage was done. She wouldn't even look at me. She said she couldn't trust me anymore, and I don't blame her. I don't trust myself anymore. I let Lisa's jealousy poison my relationship, and I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. I hate myself for listening to her. I wish I had trusted my gut. I wish I had trusted Sarah.

Now I just feel… empty. I miss her laugh. I miss her touch. I miss everything about her. And I know I can never get her back. This is my fault. All my fault.