I wish I hadn't been so mean

Dear Sacred Posts,

I need to get this off my chest. I was a terrible friend to Lisa in high school. We were best friends, like joined-at-the-hip kind of best friends. But I got jealous when she started dating Mark. He was the guy I had a crush on forever, and she KNEW.

Instead of just being honest with her, I started acting like a total ice queen. Snapping at her, making her feel stupid, and just generally being a horrible person. I even spread a rumor about her, which I regret more than anything.

She eventually dumped me as a friend, and rightfully so. I've tried to apologize since then, years later, but she doesn't want anything to do with me. And honestly, I don't blame her. I just feel so much guilt and shame about how I acted. I ruined our friendship because of my own stupid jealousy. I wish I could take it back.