I Watched Him Leave

I regret it so much. My grandpa, he wasn't perfect. He yelled sometimes, drank too much beer, and told the same stories over and over. But he loved me. He really did. And when he got sick, I didn't visit him enough. I told myself I was busy with work, with school, with my stupid life. But really, I was just scared. Scared of seeing him weak, scared of saying goodbye.

The last time I saw him, he was in the hospital. He looked so small in that bed. He tried to smile at me, but it didn't reach his eyes. I stayed for maybe an hour, made small talk, told him about some dumb thing that happened at work. I should have told him I loved him. I should have held his hand. I should have stayed longer.

But I didn't. I left. And the next day, he was gone. Now all I have are these stupid regrets eating me up inside. I miss him so much. I wish I could go back and do it all differently. Just one more hug, one more 'I love you.' Is that too much to ask? I feel like it is. I failed him when he needed me most. I hope, wherever he is, he knows I'm sorry. And that I loved him too, even if I didn't say it enough.