I still think about that stupid scarf

Okay, so this is gonna sound dumb, I know it. But I gotta get it off my chest. It's about… a scarf. Yeah, a stupid scarf.

I was in college, working at this little coffee shop to pay for books and beer. Met this girl, Sarah, total hippie, always wearing these hand-knitted things. One day she comes in wearing this scarf, all greens and blues and browns, looked like a forest in winter. I loved it. I told her I did. Dumb, right? Just a customer, just doing my job, making small talk. But I REALLY liked it.

Anyway, a few weeks later, it's my birthday. I come into work and there it is. Wrapped up in a little box, my name on it. The scarf. Sarah had made it for me. I was blown away. Nobody had ever… like, *seen* me like that, noticed something I liked and then actually MADE something for me.

Here's the shitty part. I broke up with my girlfriend, Lisa, like a week later. Not BECAUSE of the scarf, but things were rocky anyway. Lisa found the scarf in my car. All hell broke loose. She accused me of cheating, of being in love with Sarah, of all this crazy stuff. I panicked. I lied. I told Lisa it was just a gift from a customer, nothing special, I barely even knew her.

I saw Sarah a few days after that. She asked if I liked the scarf. I mumbled something about it being nice, thanked her again, and practically ran away. I couldn't even look her in the eye.

Lisa and I broke up for good a few weeks later. Nothing to do with Sarah or the scarf, really. But I never saw Sarah again. I quit the coffee shop a couple months later. I still have the scarf. It's tucked away in a box in my closet. Every time I see it, I feel like a total dirtbag.

I should have just told Lisa the truth. I should have told Sarah how much I appreciated it. I should have… I don't know. I should have been a better person. It's been, like, fifteen years. Why does this stupid scarf still bother me? I guess it's because it reminds me of a time when someone actually cared enough to create something beautiful for me, and I repaid that kindness with a lie. A stupid, pointless lie. I'm sorry, Sarah. I really am.