I Still Feel Guilty About the Lipstick

Okay, this is stupid. I know it's stupid. It happened, like, fifteen years ago. But I still think about it sometimes, and I feel like a total jerk. So, here goes.

When I was in high school, my best friend was this girl named Emily. We were inseparable. We did everything together – movies, shopping, stupid school dances, everything. Emily was… well, she was everything I wanted to be. She was pretty, popular, and had this incredible sense of style. I was… awkward. Overweight. Trying way too hard.

One time, we were at the mall, just browsing. We ended up in this fancy makeup store – the kind where the lipsticks cost, like, twenty bucks a tube. Which, for a broke teenager, was insane. Emily was trying on different shades of red, and she looked absolutely stunning. I picked up this sparkly pink one, but it looked awful on me. I remember thinking, 'I wish I could pull that off.'

Then, Emily went to talk to the sales lady about something. I was just standing there, holding this stupid lipstick. And… I don't know why I did it. I just slipped it into my purse. Nobody saw me. I didn't even think about it. It was like a reflex. I walked out of the store with Emily, and we kept shopping like nothing happened.

I never wore the lipstick. I felt too guilty. It sat in my makeup bag for years, this little pink reminder of what a terrible person I was. Eventually, I threw it away. But the guilt didn't go away.

I know it's just a lipstick. It's not like I robbed a bank or anything. But it was stealing. And I stole from a store, but I also feel like I stole something from Emily. Like I was trying to be her, to have what she had. I was jealous, and I acted like a complete idiot.

I never told her. I was too ashamed. We're not even friends anymore. We drifted apart after high school, like people do. I don't even know where she is now. But every once in a while, I think about that lipstick, and I cringe. I wish I could go back and undo it. I wish I could tell her I'm sorry.

I guess this is my way of saying sorry, even if she never reads it. Emily, if you're out there, I'm really, really sorry I stole that lipstick. I was a stupid kid, and I hope you can forgive me. And to whoever is reading this, please, don't be a jerk like I was. It's not worth the guilt.