I still feel guilty about the damn goldfish

Okay, this is stupid. I know it's stupid. It happened like… fifteen years ago? But I still feel bad about it. It’s not some big, earth-shattering thing, but it pops into my head at the worst times. Like when I'm trying to fall asleep, or when I'm having a really good day. It’s always there, this little fish-shaped cloud hanging over me.

It was my little brother’s goldfish. He was maybe six, and I was, like, twelve. He named it Goldie, because, you know, he was six. My parents got it for him at the school fair. It came in a little plastic bag, and he was so happy. He carried that bag around like it was the most precious thing in the world.

I was supposed to feed it. Mom told me, because she knew my brother would forget. It wasn't a big deal. Just a tiny pinch of fish flakes every day. Easy, right? But I was twelve. I had way more important things to do. Like talking to my friends on AIM, and watching TV. So, yeah, I forgot. For a few days.

Then one morning, I went into his room and Goldie was floating upside down. My brother was at school. I panicked. I didn't want him to be sad. So, like an idiot, I flushed Goldie down the toilet. And then I went to the pet store and bought another goldfish. It looked almost exactly the same. I even put it in the same bowl.

My brother never knew. He came home, saw the fish, and was happy. I kept feeding it this time. The guilt ate at me, though. Every time I saw that fish, I felt like a horrible person. I lied to my brother. I killed his pet. All because I couldn't be bothered to sprinkle some flakes in a bowl.

Eventually, that fish died too. Of old age, I guess. My brother was a little sad, but he got over it. I never told him. I still haven’t. It’s stupid, right? It’s just a goldfish. But I can’t shake the feeling that I did something really wrong. It was such a small thing, but it taught me I was capable of lying and being selfish. I think that's why it still bothers me so much. I wasn't a good sister. I wasn't a good person. Maybe if I tell him now, it’ll finally go away. But I'm scared of what he'll think of me.