I should have said no.

Okay, so here goes. I’ve been holding this in for, like, fifteen years. And it eats me up sometimes. I don't know why I’m even writing this down. Maybe just to see it in black and white and realize how stupid I was. How weak.

It was my best friend’s wedding. Sarah. I was a bridesmaid, and I was so happy for her. She’d found, like, the perfect guy. Liam. He was everything Sarah ever wanted: kind, funny, had a good job, loved her family. The wedding was beautiful, all the lace and flowers crap that Sarah loved. I was just happy to be there for her, you know? I’d known her since, like, kindergarten.

So, the reception. Everyone’s drinking, dancing, having a great time. I was a little stressed because I was trying to make sure everything went smoothly. Sarah asked me to help coordinate stuff, like making sure the vendors were doing their jobs, and that her aunt Carol didn't have too much champagne. Normal bridesmaid stuff. I had, like, two glasses of wine, maybe three. I don't drink a lot, so it hit me pretty hard.

Liam’s best friend, Mark, was the best man. He was… charming. Like, movie-star charming. Dark hair, blue eyes, a smile that could melt glaciers. And he kept looking at me. Flirting. I brushed it off at first, you know, thinking he was just being friendly. But then he asked me to dance.

We danced, and he held me close. Too close, maybe. I could smell his cologne. It was intoxicating. We talked, mostly about Sarah and Liam and how great they were together. But then he started saying things about me. How beautiful I looked, how intelligent I seemed. How he wished he’d met me first.

And I ate it up. I soaked it all in. I knew it was wrong. So, so wrong. But I couldn't stop myself. I wanted him to keep talking. I wanted him to keep looking at me like that.

Then he kissed me. Right there on the dance floor. Not a long kiss, not a passionate kiss, but a kiss nonetheless. And I kissed him back. For like, a second. Maybe two. But I kissed him back.

I pulled away, finally. I told him I needed to go. I went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face. I looked at myself in the mirror and hated who I saw. I was disgusting. I’d just kissed my best friend’s new husband’s best friend at her wedding.

I avoided Mark for the rest of the night. I made excuses. I stayed close to Sarah. I tried to pretend it never happened. I never told Sarah. I never told anyone.

But I should have said no. I should have walked away the second he started flirting with me. I should have told him he was out of line. I should have protected my friend. I should have been a better person. I still think about it. I don’t even know if Mark remembers it. But I do. And it makes me sick.