I screwed up so bad

Okay, so… I don't even know where to start. Writing this feels like ripping off a bandage that's been stuck for, like, years. It stings.

I cheated. On my wife. Her name is… was… Sarah. I don’t even deserve to say her name. We were married for seven years. Seven really good years. We built a life together. A home. We talked about kids, travel, growing old and wrinkly together. All that stuff. The real stuff.

And then… I messed it all up.

It was a work thing. There was this new girl, Chloe. Young, energetic, funny. And she… I don’t know. She paid attention to me. Flirted a little. I told myself it was just harmless fun. That I could handle it. I couldn’t.

One thing led to another, and one night, after a conference, we ended up back at her hotel. I knew it was wrong. Every fiber of my being screamed at me to stop. But I didn't. I just… didn't.

The guilt ate me alive. I tried to pretend everything was normal with Sarah. I tried to be extra attentive, extra loving. But it was a lie. A big, ugly, festering lie.

It didn't last. Chloe started getting clingy. Wanted more. Wanted me to leave Sarah. I couldn't. I wouldn't. So, I ended it with Chloe. Badly. And then… the bomb dropped. Chloe called Sarah. Told her everything.

The look on Sarah's face… I'll never forget it. The hurt. The betrayal. The disbelief. It shattered me more than I thought possible. I begged her to forgive me. I promised it would never happen again. I told her I loved her more than anything.

She didn't believe me. She left. Took almost everything with her. The house is empty. My life is empty.

I know I deserve it. I know I'm a terrible person. I just… I can't stop thinking about what I lost. About the future I destroyed. About Sarah. I miss her so much it physically hurts.

I don't know if she'll ever forgive me. I don't even know if I deserve forgiveness. But I needed to get this off my chest. To admit it. To face the consequences of my actions.

I messed up, Sacred Posts. I screwed up so, so bad.