I messed up big time with Sarah

Okay, so, this is eating me alive. I have to get it out. I cheated on Sarah. It was…stupid. A work thing. Drinks after a conference, one thing led to another. I hate myself for it. I really do.

It was a one-time thing, but that doesn't make it okay, right? I didn't tell her. God, I should have. But I was so scared of losing her. We've been together for five years. Five years! And I threw it away for one night of…nothing. It meant nothing. I swear.

We're talking about getting married now. Rings, venues, the whole shebang. And every time she brings it up, this guilt just claws at me. I feel like I'm living a lie. She trusts me completely. She thinks I'm…good. And I'm not. I'm a liar and a cheat.

Part of me wants to tell her. To rip off the band-aid and face the consequences. But another part… the selfish part… just wants to keep quiet and hope it goes away. That she never finds out. I don't know what to do. I'm a coward, plain and simple. I just… I messed up. Big time.