I messed up. Big time.

Okay, so I need to get this off my chest. I don't know who's going to read this, maybe nobody, but I gotta say it. I cheated.

There, I said it. I cheated on Sarah. My girlfriend. The woman I'm supposed to love and respect and be faithful to. I screwed up so badly, I don't even know where to begin to fix it. Or if I even can.

It happened a few weeks ago. We were at a work conference – a bunch of us from the office. Sarah couldn't make it because her mom was sick. Anyway, there was this woman there, Jessica. She's in marketing, a new hire. And we just… clicked. I know, I know, that’s what everyone says, right? But it’s true. We were laughing, talking, staying up late drinking in the hotel bar. It felt… easy. Sarah and I have been together for five years, and things have gotten comfortable. Maybe too comfortable.

That's no excuse. I know that. But the truth is, I felt…seen by Jessica. Like she really *got* me in a way that Sarah hasn’t lately. I think we’ve both been taking each other for granted. Life got busy. Bills, work, family drama. We stopped really trying. But instead of talking to Sarah about it, I let myself get drawn in by Jessica.

One night, after way too much wine, we ended up back in my hotel room. And… well, you know. I don’t need to spell it out. The guilt hit me almost immediately. It was awful. I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror the next morning.

I’ve been trying to pretend like nothing happened ever since. But it's eating me alive. Jessica keeps texting me, wanting to hang out. I've been making excuses, telling her I'm busy. She probably knows something’s up.

The worst part is Sarah. She’s been so sweet lately. Checking in on me, making my favorite dinners, planning a weekend getaway. And all I can think about is what a horrible person I am. She doesn’t deserve this. She deserves someone who will love her completely and be faithful to her. And right now, that isn't me.

I don’t know what to do. Do I tell her? Do I keep it a secret and try to bury it forever? I’m terrified of hurting her. I’m terrified of losing her. But I’m also terrified of living with this guilt for the rest of my life. It feels like a cancer eating away at me. Every time she smiles at me, every time she tells me she loves me, it’s like a knife twisting in my gut. I want to be worthy of her love, but I don’t know how to get back there.

I guess I’m writing this because I need someone, *anyone*, to know what I did. Maybe it will make the guilt a little lighter. Maybe someone out there has been through something similar and can offer some advice. I’m lost. I'm a terrible boyfriend. I hate myself right now.

I just… I really messed up.