I lied about being sick

Okay, so this is stupid, but I need to get it off my chest. Last year, my grandma was really sick, and everyone was flying in to see her. I couldn't afford a plane ticket, and honestly, I didn't really WANT to go. I hadn't seen her in years, and we weren't close. So I told my mom I had the flu. She was all worried and told me not to come, which was exactly what I wanted. Grandma died a few days later. Now, everyone talks about how sad it was that I missed it, and how much Grandma loved me. I feel like a total piece of garbage. I should have just told them the truth, but I was a coward.