I let her down, and I hate myself for it

Okay, so I need to get this off my chest. I messed up. Badly. And it's eating me alive. It's about my sister, Emily. She's always been... the strong one. The one who had her life together. Good grades, good job, always knew what she wanted. Me? Not so much. I've bounced around from job to job, relationship to relationship, never really finding my footing.

Emily always tried to help. Always offered advice, a listening ear, a place to crash when I was between apartments. She was just... there. Reliable. A constant. And I took it for granted. I really, really did.

Last year, she told me she was starting her own business. A little bakery. It was her dream. She'd been baking since we were kids, and she was seriously talented. I was so proud of her. I told her I'd help in any way I could. And I meant it. At the time.

But then… life happened. I got a new job that was super demanding. I started dating someone who needed a lot of attention. I just… got busy. I kept telling myself I'd help Emily later, once things calmed down. I'd pop in to see her at the bakery opening. I’d bring customers. I'd be there to cheer her on.

The bakery opened. I didn't go. I had a 'work thing'. My girlfriend at the time needed me to go to some fancy party. Excuses. That's all they were. Weak, pathetic excuses.

Emily never said anything. She’s not the confrontational type. She just smiled and said she understood. But I saw it in her eyes. The disappointment. The hurt. And it killed me. It still does.

The bakery… it didn't do well. She had to close it down after six months. All that work, all that passion, gone. And I knew, deep down, that I was partly to blame. If I'd just been there, if I'd kept my promise, maybe it would have made a difference. Maybe not. But at least I would have tried.

We don't talk as much anymore. There's this… distance between us. A wall I built. And I don't know how to tear it down. I want to tell her I'm sorry. Really sorry. But the words just get stuck in my throat. How do you apologize for letting someone down so badly? How do you fix something that's broken like that? I’m scared she won’t forgive me. I barely forgive myself. I just… I miss her. I miss us. I hope, someday, she can understand why I did what I did, even though I barely do.