I let her down, and I don't know how to fix it

Okay, so I need to get this off my chest, and I don’t know who else to tell. I messed up. Bad. It’s about my daughter, Lily. She’s… she *was* my everything. Still is, I guess, but it’s different now.

When Lily was little, I was super dad. Always there. Soccer practice, ballet recitals, school plays. I coached her softball team even though I knew nothing about softball. I just wanted to be involved. Her mom, Susan, worked crazy hours, so it was mostly me. I loved it. Every single minute.

Then, Lily hit her teens. And… well, I didn’t handle it well. I didn’t understand the mood swings, the slamming doors, the constant need for ‘space’. I took it all personally. I thought she hated me. Looking back, I know it was just normal teenage stuff, but at the time, it felt like she was pushing me away, and I panicked.

Instead of trying to understand, instead of being patient and supportive, I got… stricter. I started setting ridiculous rules, grilling her about where she was going and who she was with. I even started checking her phone. I know, I know, it was a horrible invasion of privacy. But I was scared. I was losing my little girl, or at least that’s how it felt.

It all came to a head last year. Lily wanted to go to a concert with her friends. It was a band I’d never heard of, and the concert was downtown, which I thought was too dangerous. I said no. Flat out. No discussion. She was furious. We had a huge fight, screaming and yelling. She said I didn’t trust her, that I was ruining her life. And then she said something that just… broke me. She said she wished I wasn’t her dad.

I haven’t been the same since. I let her go to the concert, of course. I didn’t want to be that guy. But the damage was done. Things have been strained ever since. She’s polite, but distant. We don’t talk like we used to. I miss her so much. I see glimpses of the old Lily sometimes, but then she pulls away.

I’ve tried apologizing. I’ve told her I was wrong, that I was just scared of her growing up. But it doesn’t seem to make a difference. I feel like I broke something that can’t be fixed. I don’t know what to do. I just want my daughter back.